For example, in reply to a puzzled ``gentle reader'' who is a pregnant bride-to-be, Miss Manners believes the only thing that should be altered is the wedding dress: ``Let it out in the tummy.'' With gentle firmness, Miss Manners upholds the perennial etiquette that contributes to our general civility and accepts changes that are for the good-black dresses for bridesmaids are not among them. Indirectly addressing the bride but including the entire cast of trouble-causers-relatives, in-laws, attendants, divorced parents-Miss Manners supports reasonable standards, exuding acerbically genteel regret at some contemporary nuptial excesses while accepting some stark realities. (Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, to her email, or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.With her trademark comedic inflection, Martin, the syndicated columnist whose bestselling etiquette manuals (Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior Miss Manners' Guide to Rearing Perfect Children) provide entertainment as well as guidance, turns her attention here to weddings. But you need to tell Lady Friend how we handle incidental expenses." Miss Manners would solve the immediate problem by saying, "Dad, we would love to. This will only be a problem if she takes up permanent residence in the family. GENTLE READER: If Lady Friend understood subtlety, she might have noticed that continuing the trip when your father was ill, though not technically impolite, was not the way to convince the family how much she cared about him. Now my father wants us all to travel together again. We said nothing, privately agreeing that we would care for her as a sign of respect for my father. She is fine company, but she never thanked anyone for covering the meals, tips and treats, or for acting as her porter. Further, she expected someone else to carry her luggage. Here is the difficulty: She never offered to contribute to any expenses, and as a result, the rest of the group covered all of her incidentals. His lady friend chose to remain with the group in order to enjoy the rest of our itinerary. Unfortunately, my father had to leave the trip early due to illness. Each member would put a little toward tips for drivers and guides, and take turns paying for meals, coffee, ice cream, etc. Meals and tips were not included, but in the past, this group has traveled together and shared those expenses. Included in the travel party were my husband, myself, our young adult children, my husband's parents, my father and his lady friend.Įach household paid the tour company in advance for lodging, transportation and activities. Not being a frequenter of bars, she does not know if bar owners also followed this vaguely alarming practice.ĭEAR MISS MANNERS: My extended family took a lovely 10-day vacation. (And yes, it is perfectly proper to request that patrons close gaps.)ĭuring the pandemic, Miss Manners noticed that in offices with waiting rooms, there was a preference for taping over every other chair rather than simply removing some. It is therefore less trouble for everyone if, in an already crowded bar, one does not leave gaps. In an empty bar, it is perfectly reasonable to spread out - so long as you are prepared to scoot over as the bar fills up. GENTLE READER: The rule is one bar stool per person. We've often encountered a bar with many solo open stools is it appropriate to ask someone to move over in order to get two stools together? I am not a very vocal or forthright person, so having your opinion in my back pocket will give me the social fortitude to handle the situation next time. Should one leave a stool between parties? That seems appropriate, but also leads to many unused seats for patrons who might enjoy the bar, too. My boyfriend and I often enjoy sitting at the bar of local restaurants for a quick dinner - it's a bit more lively and entertaining than a table. I had referred to a menu item as a panini and was gently chastised by a reader of Italian heritage who informed me the correct usage should have been panino. Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina MartinĭEAR MISS MANNERS: I've often wondered what the etiquette is when selecting a seat in a crowded bar. Gentle reader, there comes a time when repeating oneself is no longer repetition but instead tradition.
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